


Patent Leather Partner in Crime

by KaiserNoire



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack Treated Seriously, Disaster gay Shiro, F/F, Gen, Humor, Kinda?, Lotor and Hunk are menses, Lotor is just a mess lmao, M/M, Sex Worker Positive, at least Hunk tries to help, dominatrix Allura, just a lot of shenanigans and hilarity, remember sex workers have lives as well, sex work au, sexual content discussed but there isn’t any sex in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 10:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16891137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaiserNoire/pseuds/KaiserNoire
Summary: “Hey, I don’t have a problem,” Shiro pouted.“Yeah, you do,” Lotor cut in, “It’s Keith.”“Well, technically, Keith isn’t the problem,” Hunk said as he floated by, carrying a Coach handbag, “it’s Shiro’s inability to vocalize his intentions.”Allura glanced over at Shiro and she caught him at just the right time because he whipped up his head so quickly that it looked like the words had physically smacked him.All Allura could do was draw out a slow “Wooow,” in Shiro’s directionAllura’s a victim in all of this. Shiro can’t come out of the closet until he sorts out his feelings for Keith. Literally. He’s inadvertently trapped himself and Allura in a closet that won’t let them out until he makes a decision. And it’s not even his closet! It’s Allura’s. She’s a dominatrix. That’s mostly irrelevant. Krolia’s her bodyguard. That’s more relevant. Hunk and Lotor are there to complicate matters. Sort of.Look, you have to read it to understand.





	Patent Leather Partner in Crime

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by the lovely Antique Banana! 
> 
> She loves Allura, Krolia, Hunk, Lotor, lavender, bad ass women, and Fenty, so this was just an excuse to throw all of AB’s favorite things in one fic! This deviated from the original prompt a bit, but it ended up fun, so we cool. 
> 
> Also, I pick on Lotor in this fic. I don’t hate him. I just love picking on him. He’s fun to write! Also AB loves picking on him as well, so it all worked out.

A typical day started early. After all, she had a media empire to tend to, and sleeping in didn’t do her any favors. But also because she just naturally woke up early. 

Five minutes before her alarm was supposed to sound, she rolled over. Blinking at the early morning rays peaking though her window, she cursed the fact that she had fired her manservant the other day. 

He normally took care of the mundane tasks (like making sure that the windows were properly closed) and generally kept to the shadows. It was a perfect arrangement. It was just how she liked her men. Quiet and non-intrusive. 

But then he had the audacity to vocalize his thoughts on her profession; calling it “uncouth” and “shameful,” and woah buddy that just wouldn’t do. So in a whirlwind of lavender she fired him. 

She was surprised that it had taken almost two years for the man to finally vocalize his true thoughts, but there could’ve been worse outcomes. 

With a sigh she rolled over, and leisurely stretched over the silk sheets. She wanted to wait a bit before getting up; might as well enjoy the small reprieve while she could. 

Before she knew it her alarm sounded, and shortly thereafter there was a soft knock on the bedroom door. 

“Allura? Is it okay for me to come in?”

With one final stretch, she nodded to herself and pulled herself up on her pillows, “You may enter, Krolia.”

Krolia had been working for Allura for a few years now, and was honestly one of the best bodyguards she could ask for. They had built up a interesting dynamic between the two of them, and since the unexpected leave of Allura’s manservant, Krolia had picked up some of the slack. Allura had told her that she didn’t have to, but Krolia was nothing except dedicated and kind to her, so it was with extra care that she started doing a little more around the manor. 

Allura had insisted on hiring a replacement for the butler, but Krolia instanced that there wasn’t a rush. Krolia was kind like that. But it seemed that she was only ‘kind like that’ to a very small collection of individuals. Allura counted herself lucky. 

Time had not been on Allura’s side these past few weeks, and so Krolia had been spread a bit thinner for longer than she should have, but every time Allura went to apologize Krolia just waved her off. Insisting that anything for ‘the princess,’ was worth it. 

Allura had blushed at that. 

That was a few days ago, but today was the day that Allura was going to make good on her promise. Today was the day that Allura had set aside specifically to personally interview a replacement head butler. She wasn’t _too_ picky. But at the same time she didn’t want a repeat of last time, so she was going to be sure to vet them a bit more closely. 

After all, working as a high profile and highly sought after dominatrix wasn’t your most typical profession. And it was with the upmost importance that Allura had a team that was able to be professional, listen to her, and respect her choices. 

As the bedroom door slowly whooshed open Allura was reminded of just how nice it had been to work with Krolia in a close range over the past few weeks. Not only was Krolia thoughtful, punctual, and fantastic at her job, she also had amazing bone structure that Allura couldn’t help but admire. 

“Princess,” Krolia started as she made her way across the room. “You have three appointments today. Two are prospective hires that you requested come in, and the last is a business teleconference.”

By ‘business teleconference,’ Krolia meant that Allura had a live-stream set up and had been scheduled to whip a few willing participants into shape. All in a days work, after all. 

“Ah, yes, thank you, Krolia. Do you happen to know if those packages from Fenty arrived yesterday? I was hoping to test them out during today’s stream but completely forgot to check.”

Krolia passed a teacup to Allura who had slipped out of bed, “I wasn’t aware that Fenty created products that were meant to be used in such a professional environment.” There was a smirk in her voice. 

A soft laugh made it’s way out of Allura’s lips as she leaned back on one hand, teacup in the other; the soft chiffon of her peignoir shifting as she drank from the cup. “They aren’t; not really. They are quality leather though, and for occasional use their whips and crops are perfect. Unfortunately they cannot stand up to the,” and she cleared her throat, “rigorous use that I implement.”

“Of course, princess,” Krolia responds with a smirk as she pulled out her phone while Allura sipped on her tea. After a few quiet moments Krolia walked over to Allura with the teapot and wordlessly refilled the cup. As she did so Krolia hummed under her breath. 

“Problem?”

“Hm, possibly. Looks like you have a visitor.”

Allura leaned over to view the live video surveillance footage that was being streamed to Krolia’s cell phone. “I don’t have an appointment with Shiro, do I?” Allura asked as she reached over Krolia’s shoulder to double tap at the screen to zoom in on the feed. “Huh, he’s in workout gear.”

“Probably no appointment then.”

“Exactly,” and Allura downed the remaining tea in her cup, “No problem. Could you send him on over and I’ll get changed. I could do with a run.”

Krolia nodded as she pushed away from Allura’s bed that she had been leaning her hip against. “As you wish, princess.”

 

_______

 

Allura knew something was up. Something _had_ to have been up. Shiro only visited completely unannounced when something was up. And Allura was determined to find out what. 

Granted if she just said the right things and waited, then Shiro would explain everything himself. He always did. She just had to be patient. 

After all, patience yields focus. Or something like that. Whatever that saying was that Shiro always said. 

So it was after they did a circuit around the track that Allura tried probing a bit.

“I thought you had access to a full gym at your new swanky apartment.”

“I do. I just like yours better.”

“Hmm.” And Allura surged forward and around the bend of the track. 

Shiro laughed a bit as he chased after Allura, “What?”

“Not that I don’t appreciate a workout buddy,” and she side eyed Shiro a bit, “but does this have anything to do with fact that you might be ignoring a certain someone?” And Allura paused, gauging the blush that graced Shiro’s face, “Or is it that people keep hitting on you at the gym? And that certain someone you might be avoiding might get jealous? And you don’t want them to get jealous, so you would rather not risk it? Even though, realistically, they probably won’t make that big of a scene?”

Shiro sputtered a bit, and almost lost his footing, “Ha-ah, yeah. That’s. Uh, there is a possibility of that being a part of it, yeah.”

“Hmm,” and Allura smirked. “Well, whatever the reason, it’s nice working out with you again, Shiro.”

Shiro smiled at that, “Thanks, Allura.”

______

 

It had been by complete accident that Shiro and Allura became fast friends years ago. Allura had been grocery shopping and the handles on her reusable shopping bags had broken, spilling the contents of her trip all over the pavement. And Shiro being the eternal sweetheart and relentlessly good natured individual helped her pick up her groceries. They had made quick work of the spill, and one borrowed fabric shopping bag later they had been making jokes about straps on _other_ things breaking at inopportune times. 

“I’m not even joking this time!” Allura laughed as she had loaded up her motorbike. 

“I can’t even imagine how embarrassing that was,” Shiro sputtered between deep laughs. “Like, sex is already messy as it is, but having a strap-on breaking in the middle of it? I would have died!”

Allura had roared with a grin plastered on her face, “You would think so, right? But at that time it was _absolutely hilarious_. We had to redo the entire scene at a later date because the other ladies on set all started loosing their shit the second I fell over laughing.” 

And after another round of intense laughter they ended up agreeing that they needed to continue to swap stories about unfortunate sexual encounters. At one point it crossed Shiro’s mind that it was a bit odd that he and Allura had just bonded over such a personal and completely unexpected topic, but, hey, he had met his best friend, Matt, over their shared interest of thirsting over the same long haired men at the gym, so this was pretty on-brand for Shiro.

 

_______

 

Allura and Shiro did a few miles around the track, making friendly banter and just generally catching up. And then during cool down, Allura tried again.

“Wait, so if you are working out with me, who’s with Matt?”

Shiro laughed as he slowed down a bit more, “You make it sound like he’s an unattended child.”

Allura paused and then continued, “You mean he’s not?”

The complete flat delivery caused Shiro to looked over at Allura and catch her eye. There was a twinkle there. 

“It seems like it some days,” Shiro responded with a chuckle. “Did you hear what he and Hunk are up to right now?”

“Oh, shit, no,” and Allura shook her head, “I was joking but at the same time I’m not surprised. What did they blow up this time?”

“Nothing yet, but they are getting pretty close. Pidge is kinda upset that she is on the other side of the galaxy or she would have been there with them causing havoc.”

A cheery laugh made its way out of Allura’s lips, “Of course she is. Those three could blow up Earth if they aren’t careful.”

“It would be a complete accident, too.”

“Oh, of course. Hunk has too much of a conscious to do that kind of thing on purpose.”

“Exactly.”

“Here’s hoping some of that rubs off on Lotor.”

Shiro glanced up from the lunge he was doing, “Lotor? Like, that tall dude with white hair that swings by your place sometimes?”

Allura scoffs, “Yeah. Completely unannounced every single time too.” There was a little bit of a bite to her response. 

Shiro flinched, “Sorry.”

Allura blinks. “Aw, Shiro. Naw, hun. You are completely fine. You are always welcome even unannounced. _You_ are a dear friend.”

Shiro grinned at that. Even though he and Allura had only known each other for a few years, their friendship felt like it had been around for decades. “And Lotor?”

“Ha! Entitled with daddy issues,” Allura started off as she leaned over a bench near the track to re-lace her shoes, “I had a short term contract with his agency, but it ended a few weeks ago. He hasn’t stopped by since then. Thank god.”

Shiro laughed, “Was he really that bad?”

“Shiro, dear,” and Allura lead them down the stairs and into the main space of her custom gym, “You didn’t have to beat his ass, and have to deal with his complaints. He was bad.”

“I thought you were used to bratty subs by now, Miss Super Popular Dominatrix.”

Allura shook her head as she placed herself before a fancy machine and checked the settings, “Oh, I’m used to bratty subs. He,” and Allura breathed out a heavy sigh, “He was just _something else_. God.” Allura took a few seconds more to make sure the settings were where she liked them and then added, “Besides, if Hunk is able to get Lotor to _calm the fuck down_ then I don’t care if they hang out.”

Shiro nearly dropped his weights. “Hunk and _Lotor_ —?”

“Are not dating! Oh god, _no_.”

“Oh, thank god.” And then Shiro sputtered a bit, “Not that I’m against it, it’s just—” And he paused. 

“No, no, I totally get it,” Allura giggled. “They have just been hanging out since they ran into each other here a few months back. Hunk was working on a patch for the A.I. in my closet and Lotor was complaining on my fainting couch really loudly about some boy. Well, complaining isn’t the correct word. He was threatening the poor man bodily harm... I think?” 

“You think?”

“Yeah, I try not to absorb too much of the inane prattle that comes out of his mouth.”

Shiro really did drop the weights he was working with, but it was so that he could safely howl with laughter. After he collected himself he leaned over the rack in front of him, “You really don’t think too highly of Lotor, huh?”

Allura just shrugged, “He’s beautiful to look at, and boy does he make some gorgeous sounds. But,” and she paused a second, “I try not to think about him at all.”

Shiro nearly doubled over laughing. 

 

____

 

Allura had been enjoying time with Shiro so much that she completely forgotten to continue to grill him about the real reason why he had shown up at an uncommon hour. Shiro had considerably calmed down since they started their workout, and so it was easy for her to forget. But now that they had split ways to shower after their workouts, the thought surfaced again. 

As Allura walked out of her en-suite bathroom she saw Shiro reclining in her sitting area that was situated near her massive walk-in closet. She tilted a head his way, and just looked him over as she finished tying her bright silver hair in a high ponytail. He hadn’t lost any noticeable muscle mass, so he was still regularly hitting the gym, presumably with Matt. He looked healthy and well fed, so that meant that Shiro was probably still catching meals with Hunk, and Pidge when she was planet-side. But, he was obsessively scrolling and refreshing Instagram. 

Hmm. That was new. Shiro never really put too much stock in social media. 

Before Allura could confront Shiro about, well, all of it, there was a light knock on the wall.

“Princess?” Krolia called from the open door. “Ah, I didn’t mean to interrupt, but I was just checking to see if Mister Shirogane was going to be joining you for breakfast?”

Shiro looked up from his phone like a deer caught in headlights. Hmm interesting.

“Yes, Krolia, he will be. If that is okay with you, Shiro?”

Shiro almost dropped his phone as he tried to lock it, “Y-Yes? That’s fine?”

“Splendid!” Allura chirped. “Krolia, E.T.A. on food?”

Krolia eyed Shiro, and he seemed to almost recoil into the plush chair. Interesting. 

“About twenty minutes or so. Would you like to eat here, or in the kitchen, ma’am?”

“Hmm, kitchen, I think. That way I’m a bit closer to the ground floor study for those interviews. Thank you for asking. Oh, and Krolia?” Allura crocked her pointer finger towards her bodyguard, and the taller lady leaned in.

“Yes?”

Allura angled her body away from Shiro and toward Krolia, touching the other lady’s shoulder to pull her in, “Shiro seems jumpy around you.”

“Yeah, I noticed that as well, Princess,” Krolia whispered into the space between their bodies as she glanced over Allura’s shoulder. Shiro had been looking back down at his phone, but probably sensed Krolia’s gaze and slowly his eyes locked with hers. He straightened up a bit and nearly dropped his phone again. “He _is_ very jumpy.”

“He didn’t say anything to you when you let him in this morning?”

Krolia shook her head, “No, he just skittered passed and barely made eye contact.”

“Interesting. I think you’re spooking him for some reason.”

Krolia just hummed in response, “That’s a reasonable response. Most guys are intimated by me.”

Allura lightly gripped her arm, “That may be true, but Shiro’s not normally the kind to get bothered like this. Could you tell the cook to take their time with breakfast? I wanna try to wheedle some info out of him.”

“With pleasure, Princess.” And Krolia made it a point to make eye contact with Shiro one last time as she exited the bedroom.

The poor man looked like he had been scolded by a school teacher. Krolia just smirked and nodded in his direction. 

 

____

 

“This isn’t my forte. Don’t you have a closet that automatically does this for you?” Shiro had been sitting on a stark white chair with his legs crossed over an obscenely stuffed and fluffy ottoman. 

Allura had moved them into her closet, using the excuse of asking for Shiro’s opinion on what she should wear to her meetings with the potential butler replacements. As Shiro astutely pointed out, Allura didn’t really need his help; what with the A.I. and projection system that Hunk had integrated into her wardrobe, coupled with Allura’s innate fashion sense.

Allura just shrugged, “It’s always nice to have a second opinion.” And with that she had made a small arm movement and raised her voice a bit as she delved into the depths of her clothes, “Hello, Juniberry!”

There was a pleasant chime and a feminine voice sounded though the confines of the closet, “Good morning, Allura. How can I be of assistance?” Came the voice of the A.I.

“I have a meeting and would like to incorporate that new Creepy Yeha Leung top that I got the other day.”

Another ding sounded, and the computer responded, “As you wish. Just to clarify, is it the lavender bustier?”

“Yep! You got it, Juni. The one made with that jelly material.”

There was another chirp and a projection of the top in question popped above a waist level display case, “I found the top in question, Princess. I’m taking the weather conditions into consideration and I will provide you with some suitable co-ordinates in just a tick.”

Allura looked over her shoulder at Shiro who was just looking at her with a raised eyebrow, “What?”

“See? You don’t need me,” and he looked back down at his phone. Just by raising her chin a bit, Allura saw that he was scrolling through Instagram again. Interesting. 

Right as she was about to call him out, there was another chime, “I have complied three options for you, Princess.” The lavender top was replaced with a projection of a full outfit that started rotating very slowly. 

“Shiro, look up from stalking that pretty boy of yours, and tell me what you think about this outfit.”

That caught Shiro’s attention. The light clicking sound of him locking his phone made Allura smirk as she crossed her arms over her lavender crop top with the words ‘Mahou Shoujo’ scrawled across the bust.

Shiro ducked his head a bit, as if ashamed for being called out, and then he leaned forward to inspect the rotating co-ordinate. 

“I only really like the suit jacket over the, what did you call it? A jelly top?”

Allura smirked, “Yeah, it’s a limited edition material that the designer, Yeha, used for this collection.”

Shiro’s eyes flicked over to to Allura, “But why is it called ‘jelly?’”

“It’s basically a softer vinyl,” and Allura paused for a moment as she too looked over the outfit. “Juni, please show us the next option.”

There was a soft ding, “Certainly, Princess.” 

A soft chuckle met Allura’s ears, and she looked over at Shiro, “What now?” Her tone was a bit snippy, but the slight pull at her lips told Shiro that she wasn’t really angry. 

“‘Princess?’”

Allura had to stop herself from rolling her eyes too far into her skull, “Blame Krolia for that one. I gave up trying to tell her to stop.”

Allura could almost _hear_ Shiro stiffen in his seat the second she had mentioned Krolia’s name. God damn, this man was a disaster sometimes. 

“Okay, Shiro. Spill.” And Allura whipped around and leaned against the glass display case that had the next outfit in question silently rotating. 

The man visibly gulped. Takashi Shirogane visibly gulped while looking like he was a scared caged animal. And Allura had to stop herself from getting her eyes stuck in her skull from how hard she rolled her eyes at him. 

“God fucking damn, Shirogane. What. The. _Fuck._ Is. Up. With. You. Today.” Allura ground out. She was done with being subtle about trying to get the purpose of his visit out of him. “I tried to wait for you to tell me. And normally by now you have, but you seem to be a bit... resistant today. So. Spill.”

“U-uh. I, uh,” Shiro stuttered out.

Allura made a motion with her hand, indicating that he should continue.

“I,” and then he coughed, in a vain effort to clear his throat, “I wanted to ask you how to go about some things.”

Allura just stared, and blinked once. “What kind of ‘things,’ Shiro.” It wasn’t a question. 

“I, guh, well, I guess...”

“Use your words, Shiro.”

Shiro continued to stutter before her. His silver prosthetic hand rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous manner.

Allura threw her hands down and _groaned._ Allura _never_ groaned. But Shiro was being a piece of work today, and she already was going to have to deal with some uncooperative subs later. She didn’t want to have to deal with one _now_ as well. 

“Out with it, man. Our food is gonna grow mold with you going on like this.”

Allura wasn’t actually mad at Shiro. Far from it.

She was just tired of Shiro’s seemingly random gay panics about this one black haired guy he kept making googly eyes at while at the gym. 

At least, she was almost _certain_ this was about his ‘black haired beauty.’ She’d never seen him this worked up over a guy before, and considering he didn’t get over his crushes easily Allura had experienced a few too many of these gay panics. Granted, this was also partly due to the fact that he almost never initiated interactions when it came to matters of his heart. Takashi Shirogane was a beast of a man, with broad shoulders and a smile that could start wars even amongst the straightest of men. He was _gorgeous_ and held a commanding presence that had a gentle air to it. He was _normally_ incredibly well put together and ambitious.

Just never ask him to confront his crush. He would just turn into a bumbling idiot. 

As was the case in point sputtering before Allura. 

Allura sighed as she rubbed her temple. “Shiro, dear. You know I love you. You are my best friend. And you know I’m not gonna judge you, so _please._ ”

That seemed to calm Shiro down a bit, and with a deep breath in he let out the faintest of replies. 

Allura had to physically lean forward, and she still couldn’t hear him. 

“Hun, I didn’t hear that. Please repeat.”

Shiro cleared his throat. “Dom things.” 

It was said so softly that Allura had to stare off for a moment and blink so that she could process the words. Shiro must have taken her momentary silence as something negative and he continued sputtering. 

“It’s a surprise for someone...that I, uh. That I sort of am seeing? On a more regular basis?”

That caught Allura’s attention. That _really_ caught Allura’s attention. They were practically best friends, so the fact that Shiro had been seeing someone and she didn’t know hurt a little. But as she shook her head, she reminded herself that just because someone considered another person a friend, no matter how close, said friend wasn’t _entitled_ to know every single tiny detail about the other person. So instead of getting offended she raised an eyebrow. But before she could ask, Shiro continued. 

“OKAY, IT’S KEITH.”

Ah. This all made sense now. 

Wait. No, it didn’t. 

It was helpful that Shiro was such a disaster gay that he just spilt the beans without any prompting for the last bit. But Allura still had questions. 

Allura blinked at Shiro’s outburst. “O-okay. That was unexpected. I mean _finally_ , but unexpected.”

Shiro looked up from fiddling with his phone, and Allura noticed he had a very bright blush across his face. She leaned back against the display case again, and shifted her hip. There was a faint beep but she ignored it. 

“Shiro?”

The man in question shifted, “Yeah?”

“Why are you so nervous about all of this? Sex is natural, and wanting to please your partner is a wonderful thing. If you are only doing this because it’s something Keith wants and not what you—“ but Shiro cut her off with a yelp. 

“No! No, no it’s not like that it’s…” And he rubbed the back of his neck again, looking off to the side. 

There was a faint popping sound above Allura and before she was able to look up, she heard a voice mutter, “It’s because of Krolia.” 

Allura’s wide eyes were mirrored on Shiro’s face as she made eye contact with him, and he whispered out one word, “Lotor?”

Allura groaned for a second time that day. She huffed out a breath and rolled her shoulders, “Juniberry, terminate Angel Devil Program.”

A negative sound rang through the spacious closet and Lotor’s voice spoke again, “No can do, Princess. You know that’s not how this application works.”

Allura looked over her shoulder, arms firmly crossed over her chest. “I could just call Hunk and he could pull the plug.”

There was another popping sound, a bit fainter this time and with a bit of a melodic hint to it, “Did someone call me?”

And there, before Allura and Shiro, were projections of Lotor and Hunk. They were wearing hilarious outfits, but as sure as Allura was standing there with her head in her hands, and as sure as Shiro was leaned over on the ottoman with his mouth agape, there were two semi transparent caricatures of Allura’s other friends. If she could call Lotor a friend. He was more of a reoccurring annoyance. 

Especially now. 

“Wow,” was whispered under Shiro’s breath. “I. I’m. Just. Wow.” 

Allura looked over at Shiro and thank _god_. He was more curious about the holograms rather than mortified. 

“Shiro, I would like to introduce you to one of Hunk’s pet projects. This is Closet Assistant Lotor, devil edition, and Closet Assistant Hunk, angel edition.” 

While Allura was talking Shiro had stood and was circling the projections, one eyebrow cocked in a skeptical way. “I get the concept. It’s like that old angel and devil on your shoulder trope, right? Meant to help you figure out if an outfit works?”

Allura nodded as Shiro lifted a finger to poke at Lotor, but the hologram just swatted the hand away with a firm, “No touch-y, big guy.” Devil Lotor’s hand ended up making contact with Shiro’s and Shiro looked over at Allura in wonder.

“Hunk programed them to be hard-light holograms,” Allura answered Shiro’s unasked question, “And they can float around my entire closet and grab items off the racks. Helpful when I’m arguing with them about co-ordinates.”

“That’s impressive that Hunk was able to rig this up with no visible hologram projectors scattered around.” Shiro continued his inspection of the closet assistants. “Something this intensive is bound to have a pretty heavy computer setup. I would love to take a peak at it.”

Allura chuckled. Leave it to Shiro to get totally sidetracked by tech. 

“Maybe some other time. But for now, we have to deal with these two nincompoops,” and Allura motioned toward the smaller than average size projections of Hunk and Lotor. 

Devil Lotor crossed his arms and muttered “I am far from a nincompoop,” under his breath, and Angel Hunk just patted him on the shoulder, giving him a comforting gaze. Shiro chucked at them. 

“Okay, so how do we go about doing that,” Shiro asked.

“Unfortunately, the only way to get them to leave is to resolve the original issue that summoned them.”

Shiro raised an eyebrow at that. “Seems awfully drastic.”

“Yes, and it’s something that Hunk is working on,” Allura supplied. Angel Hunk nodded furiously in agreement, causing the little tacky halo above his head to bob around. 

“What’s stopping us from just walking out, though?” and Shiro crossed his arms, a playful smirk skipping across his face.

“Their incessant messages. Hunk made them a little too…what’s the kind way of saying it? A little too ‘helpful.’ They will literally pop up on all my computers, tablets, monitors, everything. Annoying me until I decide on something.”

Shiro blinked, arms falling to his sides. “That. Uh. That’s something alright. Why did Hunk do that?”

Allura sighed, but it was dramatic and playful, and had had a tint of self-deprecation laced in. “To help my semi indecisive ass.” And then added, “Also so I don’t get sidetracked.”

Shiro nodded sagely, “Ah, makes sense.”

A soft punch made contact with Shiro’s bicep and Allura laughed. 

“Well, since they were called up accidentally, we’ll just finish deciding what you’re gonna wear for those interviews, and be done with it, yeah?”

“Yep, pretty much!” 

Between all four of them, they were able to make quick work of Allura’s outfit, and before long she stepped out from behind a small partition fully dressed. They ended up deciding on a color palette of mostly different shades of creams with the lavender Yeha top being the focal point and tastefully visible under the sharply cut jacket. A pair of Valentino Rockstud stiletto pumps finished off the look. 

Right as Allura was readjusting her specially designed smart watch, Krolia’s voice came from the watch face, “Princess, breakfast is about ready.”

Allura thanked her, and right as she was about to look over her shoulder at Shiro, Devil Lotor cut in, “You might not want to go, Princess.” Allura whipped her head back around to glare at the half sized Lotor. He was reclining in midair, arms locked behind his head, red leather pants lightly squeaking as he readjusted.

“Lotor,” Allura chided. “We picked out the outfit; you two fulfilled your objective. You have no reason to follow us.”

A single perfectly rendered eyebrow arched, and Devil Lotor swung his legs around so that they were hovering behind him. He floated a bit and reached forward. Unconsciously, Allura sidestepped his hand. But he hadn’t been reaching for Allura. He had been reaching past her. 

“Keith’s his name, right?” And Lotor poked Shiro on the nose with one black manicured fingernail. 

Shiro looked confused. “Uh, no? I’m Shiro.”

A velvety chuckle made it’s way past Lotor’s lips, “Yes, you are. But I wasn’t asking you for your name. Granted,” And Lotor flicked Shiro’s white bangs, “you are the reason why the Princess should probably hang around a bit longer. Unless you _want_ us to annoy her until your final selection is made?”

A mildly panicked look crept across Shiro’s face, “Allura? Other than hard-light technology, and an extensive knowledge of your wardrobe and popular trends, what _else_ did Hunk add to this program?” There was a waver to his voice that Allura hadn’t heard very often. 

“That should be it,” Allura quickly said as she raced through a mental run down of all the things Hunk had said about the setup when he had installed it. “Except— Oh, shit.”

Shiro picked up on the exasperation in her voice. “Oh shit? What ‘oh shit?’ Allura, what else did Hunk add?” 

“He, uh.” And she cleared her throat, “He added sensors that help the A.I. read emotions. That way they would ‘know’ if I I really liked an outfit, or if I was just bullshitting as a way of escaping their nagging.” As she explained she flopped down on the lavender fainting couch. “Well, fuck. Guess Devil Lotor and Angel Hunk caught a bit of our conversion before the program started up.”

Shiro pushed past Lotor, who had taken up twirling Hunk’s halo after Shiro shoved him away from his face. “Wait, so you’re telling me that this computer program heard what I was saying about Keith, and now won’t stop bugging you until... until what?”

Allura shrugged, “Not sure.” And then she called over to the holograms. Lotor and Hunk had almost completely tuned out the other two and were currently pulling down items in Allura’s closet that complemented each other’s eyes. “Hey, Hunk?” Allura called right as the hologram started reaching for a fluffy boa. “If helping me get this outfit together wasn’t your objective, what _is_ your objective?”

Angel Hunk dramatically threw the boa over his shoulders with a flourish, “To help you help Shiro make a decision, Princess.”

Allura blinked, “What?”

“Specifically pertaining to Keith,” Devil Lotor cut in, and he made eye contact with Shiro. “Right as we were activated our sensors picked up a lot of uncertainty and anxiousness coming from the beefy one, so our original mission objective was to help resolve that. Not our fault that we got sidetracked.”

Hunk nodded, “We _are_ programmed to be obsessed with fashion, so it’s only logical that we prioritized that a bit too heavily.”

Allura made eye contact with Shiro and then started piecing together a game plan, “Okay, so if I help Shiro resolve his elevated emotions, then you’ll leave me alone?”

“Yep,” the holograms said in tandem. 

Shiro looked over at Allura again, “I don’t like this.”

“Well, tough shit friend,” and then Allura sighed. “Shit, our breakfast.”

“Can it be brought up?” Shiro asked.

“Yeah, that’s probably the best option. I don’t want to run late to my meetings since there’s no telling what these two will consider a ‘resolution’ to your problem.” And Allura typed out a quick message to Krolia to have their food brought up.

“Hey, I don’t have a problem,” Shiro pouted. 

“Yeah, you do,” Lotor cut in, “It’s Keith.”

“Well, technically, Keith isn’t the problem,” Hunk said as he floated by, carrying a Coach handbag, “it’s Shiro’s inability to vocalize his intentions.”

Allura glanced over at Shiro and she caught him at just the right time because he whipped up his head so quickly that it looked like the words had physically smacked him. 

All Allura could do was draw out a slow “Wooow,” in Shiro’s direction. 

“What? So I’m not as comfortable with vocalizing my sexual desires out loud? That’s not a crime.” It was directed at the holograms and not at Allura. 

Allura’s heart melted for the man. As much as he joked about sexual topics, actually getting Shiro to genuinely talk about them was a different story. One that Allura figured out once her and Shiro started becoming closer friends. Shiro knew early on that Allura was a sex worker, and he had zero issues with that. In fact, having a friend like Allura who was so open with sexual topics helped him get over a few personal hang ups. He had always been intimated by openly discussing sexual topics. It was just a shame that he could discuss things with Allura that he hadn’t been able to bring himself to discuss with any of his partners. And that was another topic that had come up a few different times over late night sushi and Thai takeout. 

And it was, in fact, one of the major breaking points in his last relationship. 

Knowing all this, Allura trended gently with their current topic at hand. Not because she wanted to treat the situation with kid gloves, but because she knew that if she didn’t treat the situation with respect then Shiro would have a bad experience. And Allura didn’t want that. 

But she also knew that the A.I. that Hunk programmed took things a bit too lightly, so she buckled herself in for a potentially wild ride. 

After a deep breath Allura plowed on, “Okay Shiro, let’s start at the beginning of this conversion: What spooked you so much that you decided to show up this morning?”

“Keith.”

Lotor laughed in the background and Hunk shushed him. 

Allura cut Lotor a glare. “Okay, that make sense. But what specifically? You said that you two recently started seeing each other, right?” 

Shiro nodded at that, and pulled his legs closer, practically tucking himself into the overstuffed chair. 

“That’s great! I’m really happy for you. He makes you happy, right?”

At that Shiro’s face softened more than Allura probably had ever seen, “More than you know. More than anyone ever has.”

Allura couldn’t help the dazzling smile that spread across her face. “That’s wonderful, Shiro! I am _so_ happy that you found someone that makes you feel that way.”

In the background they could hear some faint sniffles, and Hunk saying “Awwwww, I’m so happy for them!”

Shiro smiled at Hunk’s soft response. “Thanks, Allura. That means a lot.”

“Now, what was this you were saying earlier about domming? Is a dom-sub dynamic something that you and Keith are into?”

Even though the blush on his face made it’s appearance again, Shiro spoke with a clear voice, “I think so, yeah. We wanna try it out, but I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.”

Allura nodded and her smile turned tender, happy that it seemed that Shiro was starting to get over his initial hesitation of breaching this subject with her. “I can give you some pointers. Things that are simple that either one of you can do. Gives you an opportunity to see what works and what doesn’t.”

Right before Shiro could say anything, Hunk’s voice cut in. It was stern. A bit unexpected considering the A.I.’s programming. “Don’t you dare.”

Shiro and Allura shot a look over at where the two holograms were floating. It seemed like Hunk was only talking to Lotor. And that Hunk was trying to smother Lotor with a very fluffy ivory sweater. It was probably cashmere, idly crossed Allura’s mind. Here was a hologram Hunk, dressed up as an angel, trying to suffocate a hologram Lotor, who was dressed up as a devil. And he was doing so with her incredibly expensive sweater. Somehow this seemed like one of the less odd things that she had ever witnessed. Being a professional dominatrix opened her life up to a lot of interesting situations. And frankly this display unfolding before her barely effected her, no matter how hilarious it was.

In between gasps of air, Lotor was laughing. Manically laughing. It wasn’t _pure_ evil, but it was pretty damn close. 

After watching the scuffle for a few seconds more, the sweater shifted a bit and then Lotor’s voice could be heard. “Princess! Definitely ask if you can join!”

Hunk’s loud “NO!!!” rang in the closet. “They are _in love_!!”

Shiro looked over at Allura, eyebrows raised and shock evident on his face. Allura had her head in her hands, and sighed deep. Never mind, she took it all back. This was ramping up to be one of the most embarrassing experiences in her life. She felt it in her bones, and all the way down to her lavender Fenty sneakers. They were cute too. They had big fluffy satin bows and were fucking comfy. They didn’t deserve this treatment. And neither did she. 

“Guys,” she tried, but the other two didn’t hear her. 

“Are they always this... extra?” Shiro stage whispered to Allura. 

“Yeah?” And she dropped one hand to look over at Shiro. “But it’s not normally this...”

“People fucking don’t need to be in love,” Lotor nearly shouted as he tried to detangle himself from Hunk. Hunk was doing his best to slap his hand over the other’s mouth, but it didn’t seem to help. 

“Bad,” Allura finished as she dropped her face onto the couch with a light thud. A talk with Hunk was in order. A talk with the _real_ Hunk. As soon as she was free of this unique level of hell.

“And they don’t need to only be fucking the same person all the time!” Lotor shrieked, and then finished with, “Allura, you have experience! Help them! They seem like too much of gay disasters to do it themselves!” 

There was a firm grunt and Hunk pushed Lotor’s face into the glass display case that originally housed the outfit projections. After a short moment Hunk looked over at the others, “It’s not that I disagree with Lotor necessarily. I agree that you should help them in whatever way is deemed appropriate for the situation. But maybe don’t follow Lotor’s advice to the letter?”

“Definitely do the three-way!” Lotor shouted once he was able to get purchase and push Hunk partially off of him. 

Hunk’s war cry as he reared back up to push Lotor back down rang in the large space. “Stop trying to forcefully influence them! We’re supposed to offer suggestions, not push our agendas.”

Lotor’s shriek could be heard as he raced away from Hunk. Allura mouthed ‘I’m so sorry,’ to Shiro. They both laughed. Whether from genuine enjoyment of the situation, or embarrassment they weren’t sure. 

“I mean, I _would_ be willing to aid in a more personal setting,” Allura started as Lotor pelted Hunk with decorative pillows, “But I don’t think that’s what you two had in mind.” And she smirked. 

Shiro chuckled, and it almost sounded nervous. “Thanks for the offer, but I think we’ll pass; I’m not into ladies. I’ll mention it to Keith at any rate.”

A semi-comfortable silence fell between the two as they just watched Angel Hunk try to round up Devil Lotor. At one point Hunk snatched the halo off his own head and flung it at Lotor like a boomerang, and then there was a soft knock at the door frame behind Shiro and Allura. 

“So sorry for the delay, Princess,” came Krolia’s voice, soft and apologetic. She was carrying a glass platter with two items that looked like overstuffed burritos. “We figured that putting your breakfast in something easy to eat was the best course of action.”

“Ah! No problem at all, Krolia. Thank you for being so considerate,” Allura said as she scooted a gold metal ottoman between where her and Shiro were sitting. 

Right as Krolia had set the platter down there was a loud crash emanating from somewhere deep in the closet and Hunk’s voice could be heard, cursing. 

Then all of a sudden Lotor was racing towards them, yelling, “Bang the mom!”

Shiro and Allura’s voices created quite the chorus of “What?!”

Lotor skidded to a stop. But with him doing so in midair kind of made it lose it’s intensity. “Princess! Your bodyguard.” And then Lotor mocked trying to catch his breath. It was a futile gesture considering he didn’t have lungs. “I changed my mind. After some consideration it would be a bit weird if you participated in the three-way. Especially considering that fucking the son _and_ the mother isn’t too... what’s the phrase? Socially acceptable? Yeah?”

As Lotor tried to come up with his exact thought, Allura exchanged glances with Shiro and Krolia. Krolia looked like she was about to burst out laughing, but was doing her best to not do so. While Shiro just looked utterly confused, and like he was about to throw up. Allura was just confused. 

“What the _fuck_ are you going on about, Lotor?”

It was then that Angel Hunk popped onto the scene. Quite literally. There had been a small melodic chime and he appeared. “I am _so, so, so_ sorry,Princess. I tried to stop him; I really did.” And Hunk punched Lotor on the arm. 

“What, exactly, were you trying to stop him from doing?”

“From—” but then Hunk was cut off. 

“Shiro is intimated by Krolia because Krolia is the mom of the guy he’s currently fucking.” Lotor babbled. “And you, Princess, wanna have _personal relations_ with Krolia. Unless I’m missing the mark?” And he inhaled; also an unnecessary action. “Previously I was of the belief that you should have a three-way with Shiro and his boyfriend. But then upon further analysis, you having relations with the son might not be a good idea if you also plan to have sexual relations with the mother. She likes you too, by the way.” Lotor then dived headfirst into statistics and even pulled up a three-dimensional bar graph that held some sort of importance, but Allura had completely checked out by that point. 

“ _Wait. What?_ Hold the fuck up. Who’s doing what with who now?”

A slightly startled Lotor looked up from his graphs. “Shiro and Keith are currently having sexual relations, and you and Krolia should. Princess, I thought I made that clear.” 

A quick glance over at Shiro let Allura know that he was _dying_. The poor man had sunk so far into his chair and had thrown a obscenely lavender and gold accent pillow over his face that he looked like he was trying to become one with the furniture. Upon slightly closer inspection he looked like he was trying to suffocate himself. Which, after what they had just heard being spilt out of Lotor’s mouth was a valid reaction. A very over dramatic Shiro reaction, but a very, _very_ valid reaction. 

And then it was just a quick flick of her opal gaze upward and over Shiro’s shoulder, and Allura made eye contact with Krolia. And, welp, Krolia smirked. And poor Allura gulped. She was done for in that moment. 

Trying to not let her libido take too much control of her, Allura forced her gaze away from Krolia and back to Lotor and Hunk. 

“Ah,” was all that Allura could push out of her vocal cords. 

It took a few more seconds of very awkward silence before Allura was able to clear her throat and direct her attention back to her bodyguard. “Krolia? Thank you again for delivering our food. If you could be so kind as to contact the two individuals with whom I originally had scheduled for interviews, and ask if they could reschedule to the earliest time available, that would be greatly appreciated.” 

Krolia nodded, and a knowing “As you wish, Princess,” fell from her lips. 

And right as Krolia headed to walk out of the room, Allura reached out an arm over her shoulder, hand barely grazing Krolia’s arm. “Once I get rid of these holograms, we should probably talk.”

Krolia’s eyes held a gleam that made Allura’s skin catch a low fire. “I look forward to it.”

Allura nodded at Krolia and then let her gaze wander over to Shiro. Who was still doing his best to smother himself under a small pile of pillows, groaning low in his throat. Allura stood up and closed the short distance. 

“Shiro? Wanna talk about it?” and Allura gently placed a hand loosely over one of Shiro’s.

There was a rumble from under the pillow and Allura leaned down in attempt to make out the words. 

“I didn’t hear—” she started as she gently pulled the edge of the pillow away from Shiro’s face. 

“Kill me,” came the soft response. “Just kill me. Drop me off a cliff, bury me alive. I don’t care just put me out of my misery.”

Allura smirked at that. “Ah, good. I see your fatalistic humor is still in tact.”

Shiro lazily turned his head to the side and blinked really slow. “Huh.”

“Not completely dead, I see,” Allura clarified. 

“Ah, no. You’re gonna have to rip it from my cold dead hands.”

Allura laughed and then looked back down at Shiro, “Wanna finish talking about the Keith Thing?”

“Sure.”

But as Allura started to move the pillow off Shiro’s face, he gripped it tighter. “Naw, don’t bother. In fact, suffocate me? That will be faster.”

Allura laughed again, knowing full well that Shiro was just joking and that this was just one of many levels of his dark humor. “Sure thing, big guy.” And then she proceeded to pile all the pillows on top of her friend. After a large mound was amassed, she rearranged them so that there was a little path though the pillows for his voice to still travel. 

After resuming her seat on the fainting couch, she continued talking, “Feeling better?”

A small sigh could be heard from under the pillows. Shiro had tucked his feet back up on the seat and was basically contently buried under a pillow fort. “Yeah,” came Shiro’s soft reply. 

“That’s good,” Allura said as she grinned. “You still wanna fuck Keith?” And her grin got wider.

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

And then a small silence fell over the two. Faintly, Allura could hear Hunk scolding Lotor. Something about threatening to shove him in a shoe box. Allura chuckled to herself.

“Hey, Ally?” 

Allura looked over at Shiro and the fingers of his metal prosthetic was poking out of the pile, moving a pillow aside.

“Yeah, hun?” If she moved the right way she could just make out the gleam of his grey eyes. He was up to something. His tone was too sweet.

“So you wanna fuck Krolia?”

Allura’s very undignified choke prefaced her coughing fit. The fucker. She had just taken a bite of her burrito. She should have known better. 

After the fit subsided Allura spoke. “‘Fuck’ is such a strong word, Shiro.”

Shiro laughed as he pulled the glass tray with his burrito closer to his spot, “You wanna do indecent things with her, then?”

“With her, to her, in her. I’m flexible.” 

“That you are, Ally. That you are.” And Allura winked. “I’m a little surprised though. I didn’t know you were into older women,” Shiro said as he took a healthy bite of his food.

“You know, I didn’t either until she started working for me a few years ago. But then again, _have you seen her_? Woah, no wonder you like her son. Damn, they have good genes.”

“They do indeed,” Shiro sagely nodded. 

It was then that a happy chime emanated from the glass display case, and Angel Hunk and Devil Lotor appeared. Shiro and Allura _groaned_.

“What now?” Allura asked. She was just about to roundhouse kick them. They were solid-vision holograms; they could handle it. 

“We have good news, Princess!” Hunk chirped. 

“You successfully resolved Shiro’s elevated emotions, and he was able to make a final selection,” Lotor said as he snapped his fingers and a confetti popper appeared in his hand. He pushed the plunger on the back and with a bang hologram generated confetti rained down around the closet. “Congratulations, you are both free to go.”

Shiro’s cheer of “Oh thank _fuck_ ,” was not missed by Allura. 

With a deadly smirk on her lips Allura marched up to the holograms, “I will have you both know that I will be having a word with your father later on today. This little shenanigan, no matter how fun it ended up being, cost me valuable time today, and I will _not_ allow it to happen again in the future.” 

Devil Lotor smirked right back at her and whispered low, “Live dangerously. Fuck societal norms. Do the three-way as well.”

And in a flourish of what looked like holographic iridescent glitter, both Angel Hunk and Devil Lotor were gone, and a typical display showing Allura her remaining schedule for the day and the weather patters materialized instead. 

Allura growled low in her throat. “I _need_ to have a chat with Hunk.” And then she whirled around to face Shiro. “Have anything planed for today?”

Shiro swallowed the bite in his mouth. “For what time?”

“Now.”

A sinister grin tugged at his lips. “You gonna chew out Hunk?”

“Possibly.”

“I wanna watch.”And then he settled back into his throne of pillows.

“Good. Buckle up, sweet cheeks.”

And with her best boss bitch glare on her face, Allura instructed a video call to be pulled up. Poor Hunk, he had just woken up from a late night video chatting with Pidge. He was ill prepared for the conversion. Yeah, Allura wasn’t _actually_ as angry as she let on. But Hunk didn’t know that until well into the conversation when Shiro started bursting out laughing and killed her aesthetic.

**Author's Note:**

> Clothing brands/items that I mentioned:
> 
> Fenty by Rihanna - “The Crop” riding crop and “Bow Sneaker”  
> Creepy Yeha Leung  
> Coach  
> Valentino Rockstud t-strap stilettos 
> 
> Title of fic from “Rubber Doll” by Miss Fame. I listened to that song A LOT while writing this fic.
> 
> [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/kaisernoire) | [Website](Http://www.kaisernoire.com)
> 
> I used to be KittyCaesar!


End file.
